学生优秀英语习作欣赏

(一)

Don’tPlayPuppyLove,DearFriend

WangLi,mygoodfriend,didn’tpasstheentranceexaminationtoseniorhighschool,whichirrigatedherparentsgreatlyaswellasconfusedsometeachersandherclasates.Asagoodgirllikeher,whyistheresultlikethat?

Really,shewasverygoodatherlessonswhenshecametojuniorhighschool.What’ore,shewascleverandbeautiful.Therefore,everyonelikedher,andtheteachersallthoughtthatshewouldbeagirlofgreatpromise.

However,manyboysbegantowritetoherandaskhertobetheirgirlfriend.Atfirst,shefeltverynervousandrefusedthem,butlater,shecannotbutacceptoneasherboyfriend.Fromthenon,sheoftenwentouttoplaywiththeboyandwasabsentfromherclass.

Asoneofhergoodfriends,Itriedtopersuadehernottofallinlovewiththeboyatsuchanearlyage,butshedidn’tfollowmyadvice.Byandby,shebeganfallingbehindherclasatesinstudiesandbecametiredofhingclasses.What’sworse,shedidn’tdoherhomework.Intheend,shedidpoorlyinherlessons.Asaresult,sheevenfailedtobeadmittedtoaseniorhighschool.

Therefore,Ithinkweshouldlearnthelessonfromherandnotgetinloveatanearlyagebecausepuppyloveisharmfultoourhealthaswellastoourlearning.

（长沙县实验中学罗怡娜）

【名师点评】

本文以学生早恋为题材,对具体的事实进行叙述,内容具体、真实,避免空洞的说教,很有说服力和教育意义.

文章先写结果,然后写过程,最后写作者对此事的看法和感想.文脉清晰,语言流畅,结构合理.特别是用一个疑问句“Asagoodgirllikeher,whyistheresultlikethat”,很好地吸引了读者的兴趣和注意力.

此外,文章还在以下两个方面做得较好：

一是句型多样化,如非限制性定语从句whichirrigatedherparentsgreatlyaswellasconfusedsometeachersandherclasates,并列句及宾语从句everyonelikedher,andtheteachersallthoughtthatshewouldbeagirlofgreatpromise,宾语从句和原因状语从句Ithinkweshouldlearnthelessonfromherandnotgetinloveatanearlyagebecausepuppyloveisharmfultoourhealthaswellastoourlearning等.

二是词汇、短语使用得体,如高级词汇irrigated,confused,promise,nervous,persuade等；连接词really,therefore,however,what’ore,aswellas,atfirst,butlater,fromthenon,byandby,what’sworse,intheend,asaresult等.

不足之处：

小作者的英语功底不错,如果在动词时态方面注意一下就更好了.如根据文章内容,事情是指过去的事情,结果也应该是过去的结果,于是whyistheresultlikethat中的is应改为was.同样,第三段的shecannotbutacceptoneasherboyfriend中的cannot应改为couldn’t.

（指导老师刘松）

(二)

检测如你叫李华,你和笔友Jane互寄了全家的合影.Jane看了合影后,来信问为什么你没有兄弟姐妹.请用英语写一封不少于120词的回信说明情况.

要点提示：

1.简述没有兄弟姐妹的原因（至少介绍两点）；

2.谈谈本人对没有兄弟姐妹的看法（优、缺点）.

注意：

1.可适当增加细节使行文连贯；2.词数不少于120个；3.开头已给出,不计入总词数.参考词汇：计划生育（familyplanningprogram）独生子女（theonlychild）DearJane,

Thankyouforyourletterandthephotoofyourfamily.NowIamwritingtotellyouwhyIamtheonlychildinmyfamily.

学生习作1：

DearJane,

Thankyouforyourletterandthephotoofyourfamily.NowIamwritingtotellyouwhyIamtheonlychildinmyfamily.

Firstly,becauseofthepolicycalled“familyplanningprogram”ofourcountry,eachfamilycanonlyheonechild.What’ore,theotherreasonwhyI’mtheonlychildisthatmyfamilywaspoorwhenIwasbornsothatmyparentscouldn’tsupportmorechildren.

Iholdsomeviewsaboutthesituationaboutchildrenwithoutbrothersorsisters.Theobviousadvantageisthatwecanreceivethewholelovefromourparents.However,ourchildhoodmaybelonelybecausewehenopanionstoplaywith.Evensomeofushedevelopedbadcharactersuchasbeingselfishandcoldtoothers.

Infact,althoughI’mgladtobetheonlychildinmyfamily,Istillwanttohebrothersorsisters.NowcanyouunderstandwhyI’mtheonlychildinmyfamily?

Yours,

LiHua

（湖南师大附中邓亦婕）

【名师点评】

小作者的逻辑思维能力很强,思维的缜密度很高,能恰如其分地陈述事实、表明观点.

小作者的语言表达能力较强,能运用多种从句和较为复杂的句式,尤其是文末疑问句的使用,体现小作者的调皮、风趣,感染力极强.

关联词的运用恰到好处,尤其是副词的运用得心应手,如firstly,however,even,still等.

学生习作2：

DearJane,

Thankyouforyourletterandthephotoofyourfamily.NowIamwritingtotellyouwhyIamtheonlychildinmyfamily.

Asweallknow,Chinaisapowerfulcountrywiththelargestpopulationintheworld.However,thelargepopulationdoesbafflethedevelopmentofeconomy.Asaresultofthis,Chinacarriesoutthefamilyplanningprogram,demandingthateachfamilyshouldonlyheonechild.

Theotherreasonisthatmyfamilyisnotrichenoughtobringuptwoormorechildren.SoIbeetheonlychildinmyfamily.

ConcerningthefactthatIhenobrothersorsisiters,Ifeelashamed.Ihelostalotofjoyinmychildhood.Butontheotherhand,Igetallofmyparents’love.SoI’mstillaluckybird.

Yours,

LiHua

（湖南师大附中彭忻乐）

【名师点评】

文章层次清楚,写作目的明确.

小作者能熟练运用多种结构表达个人观点,短短的一篇文章中,用到多种写作技巧,如：withthelargestpopulationintheworld作后置定语,现在分词短语demandingthateachfamilyshouldonlyheonechild作补充说明性状语,concerningthefact...作原因状语等.表语从句（thatmyfamilyisnotrichenoughtobringuptwoormorechildren）以及同位语从句（thatIhenobrothersorsisters）都运用得不错.

文章最后一句“SoI’mstillaluckybird”体现出作者洒脱的文笔,洋溢着乐观向上的精神,给读者以耳目一新之感.

（指导老师邓云浩）

（责任编校彭益）