学生习作名师点评

【栏目要求】

1. 将学生习作根据中考分值给出成绩； 2. 在应该修改的地方划线并标注序号；

3. 根据所标序号进行修改并说明修改的理由； 4. 给学生习作点评优点与不足；

5. 请点评名师提供简历一份,包括：学校、职务、 职称、荣誉、教研教学成果、照片一张.

来稿请寄： 430079 华中师范大学外国语学院《中学生英语》 杂志社 初中部 收

E—mail： zxsyy2007@163.

本期点评名师

储呈进 男,江苏省海安县西场初中高级教师,县级骨干教师.该教师认真钻研教材教法,大胆创新,在教育教学工作中成绩显著.所撰写的论文有多篇在省级刊物上发表,辅导学生在《中学生英语》及《英语周报》等刊物上发表习作三十余篇.

Safety is First

Hello, everyone!Today my topic is “Safety is First”.

In modern society, safety has bee a big problem. As students, what can we do to keep ourselves safe?

Firstly, we should he safe and health① foods and drinks. Some experts suggest that we should buy foods with QS signs. Secondly, we must obey the traffic rule②. When we meet traffic accidents, we should call the police at once. Finally, it’s important for us to keep calm and protect ourselves in natural disasters like earthquakes and snowstorms. Such as③, when there is a lightning, don’t stand under the trees. Remember that safety is first and take good care of ourselves at all times.

That’s all. Thanks for listening!

江苏省海安县西场初中八（2）班 张木易

1. 优点：

如今,安全问题备受关注.为此,我校举行了一次安全知识演讲比赛.张木易同学的这篇以“Safety is First”为题的演讲稿,为我们简述了生活中必须注意的食品、交通、自然灾难等几个方面的安全问题,给人启发.文章层次分明,结构严谨,语言运用娴熟,不失为一篇佳作.

2. 需要修改的地方：

① health改为healthy.此处要用形容词作定语；

② rule改为rules.rule是可数名词,此处要用复数形式；

③ Such as改为For example.For example意为“例如”.

3. 评分：

按照中考英语作文满分20分的评分标准,本文修改前可得18分.

出生日期：1998年12月21日

爱好：跳舞

座右铭：永远不要后退,否则退到最后是无路可退.

就读学校：湖南省邵阳市武冈第十中学

指导老师：邓迎红

My New Pen Pal

This is my new pen pal. Her name is Annie. She is 14 years old. Her birthday is in August. She is from China. What does she look like? She is of medium height and thin. She has beautiful long black hair. She can speak Chinese and a little English. She likes watching TV and reading books. So she often goes to the library on weekends. Her forite subject is music. She thinks it is fun. Music can make people feel relaxed. But she doesn’t like geography because it’s too difficult. Her forite movies are thrillers. Thrillers are scary but exciting. She likes making friends very much. Do you want to make friends with her?

出生日期：1999年9月2日

爱好：跑步、打篮球、打羽毛球

座右铭：天生我材必有用!

就读学校：湖南省洞口县杨林乡中学

指导老师：段再春

Can Old People be Beautiful?

I don’t mind the idea that old people can be beautiful. But if old people in the world all wear colorful clothes and he nice looks, are they all the same beautiful?

In fact, beauty of the soul is the real beauty. Generally speaking, as long as one’s heart is beautiful, his appearance is the most beautiful. So I think a person who is the most kindhearted is the most beautiful. Indeed, the more beautiful one’s mind is, the more beautiful his appearance is. We all love the beauty of the soul.

出生日期：1996年8月9日

爱好：跳舞

座右铭：幸福就像香水,洒给别人

也一定会感染自己.

就读学校：山东省无棣县小泊头镇

中学

指导老师：张洪云

I Love My Parents

As we all know, parents are great. They pay much attention to us every day. If we are hungry, they will give us some food. If we are thirsty, they will give us some water. If we don’t he enough money, they will also give us.

So do my parents. Every morning, my mom always wakes me up to eat breakfast, and then she may say, “Study hard!” And I always tell her that I will. When I fail an exam, my father often encourages me to cheer up. Sometimes I argue with my parents about something. Finally, they always excuse me, though I’m wrong.

In order to offer me a better life, my parents are very tired every day. As for me, I should help them to do some housework. And I he to study hard. If I get good grades, they must be very happy.

Father and mother, I love you!

我爱父母

众所周知,爸爸妈妈很伟大.他们每天都对我们非常关注.如果我们饿了,他们就会给我们吃的.如果我们渴了,他们就会给我们水喝.如果我们没有足够的钱用,他们也会给我们.

我的爸爸妈妈也是如此.每天早上,妈妈总是叫我起床吃早餐,然后她会说：“好好学习!”我总是跟她说我会的.当我考试不及格时,爸爸总是鼓励我,叫我振作.有时候我会和爸爸妈妈争论一些事情,最后即使是我错了,他们还是会原谅我.

为了让我过上更好的生活,我的爸爸妈妈每天都很辛苦.至于我,我应该帮助他们做一些家务.而且我必须好好学习.如果我取得了好成绩,他们一定会很高兴.

爸爸妈妈,我爱你们!